post #250.

Hi, it has been a while.

http://www.irefused.tumblr.com/

A tumblr account! Like FINALLY. It has been ages since I have been considering of creating one. Because I don't update blogs and statuses often (look at this! Isn't this enough to proof? - the computer is my tool for mainly games and films), it is yet another retarded thing to do, by creating tumblr if I don't even use it often. But I'll try! Reblogging nonsense and rubbish as often as I can, so I can add in a little laughter in my miserable life (because everything is going wrong). It's not like my tumblr account will have damn many followers, but I DON'T CARE! I still think it's pretty awesome! And most importantly, IT'S MY TUMBLR ACCOUNT AND I AM PROUD OF IT.

School's started! On the 22nd Aug. My first lecture was Principles of Accounting (POA). Almost went bonkers in the lecture (by the way, it lasted 3h and I was starving). POA is sort of uh, complex. Maybe it's because I didn't come into contact with it in anyway before that, so I was quite blur during the whole lecture, only laughing at the jokes the lecturer cracked (I think he's quite funny). But up till now I haven't even revised on what he taught! And I was still there promising myself in his lecture that I'll go home and read through whatever he said. PHAIL. I deserve a good kick. However, my timetable for the year is pretty, uh, SLACK? There's only school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! I didn't manage to arrange my timetable this time because I missed the submission period D:< But I'm lucky enough to get a (quite?) free timetable I guess! Gotta be happy and contented about it! I hope I can adapt to school quickly (because right now I'm not liking it - I'm still in the holiday mood). I NEED TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL (I sincerely hope so).

I've started teaching tuition! Right now my kid is a P3 girl. She is, uh, delightful. I hope she adpats to my teaching ASAP, because her EOY exams are just right round the corner and she's terribly weak in math, sad to say. My first lesson with her didn't go as smoothly as I planned - mainly because she isn't cooperating with me. I knew she was a problematic kid (judging from the words and phrases the tuition agency consultant used). I hope I can help her to do well in math! It's funny to see how much I used to hate Math. I was like, URGH MATH, when I was in S3 but JASON AND MRS LEUAR CHANGED ME. They are my favourite math teachers. FAVOURITE-ST math teachers <3

Took my g8 piano exam a couple of weeks ago. Didn't went well, despite me practicing my ass off for weeks. I even quit my job for the exam. SIGH. The day before the exam I was still practicing like mad even though it was getting late (I only stopped practicing 10+). I was literally practicing and crying at the same time near the end of it. I couldn't get my notes and pieces right! I couldn't do this and that! My trills are so messed up! My fingers are too stiff! Tremendous amounts of stress piling on me. Plus my mum's in TW for the whole week. I have TONS of housework to do and no one's helping me! My brother, instead of helping me, gives me more things to do. And, I still have to study for aural tests! In addition, I still have to pick up my mum from the airport later that night (OH YES I'VE GOTTEN MY LICENSE, NONG NONG AGO :D). Anyway, I was so stressed that I started crying ): This is how bad it was. And the next day, I mixed up my exam time -.- totally retarded. But luckily for me, I arrived early instead of being late. However, upon arrival, I saw my piano friends there and the first thing they said to me was "FEMALE EXAMINER LEH" and I went "OH MY HOLY GOD I'M FUCKED I'M GOING TO FAIL". Because apparently, female examiners tend to be more strict than male examiners. And I went in, screwed my scales (mainly the appegios and some of the scales), SCREWED MY 3 PIECES BADLY (ESPECIALLY MY MOZART), did my sight reading okay-ly (I hope), and anyhow whacked through the aural test. The lady examiner is a very very nice person (I HOPE SHE'S NICE TO MY MARKS TOO). She was playing this extract for me so I could comment. So I was like "blah blah blah, it is most probably in the romantic period, and a likely composer would be Chopin. And DEBUSSY." She stared at me and I stared at her. And I realised what I've just said and I went "NO NO NO! NOT DEBUSSY NOT DEBUSSY!" Totally retarded. I want to shoot myself. But nonetheless it's over. I just hope (hoping damn hard) that I can pass this exam (though I highly doubt so, judging the way I performed during the exam, but I still hope I can pass). 12 years learning the piano - I want it to end nicely (as in the grading exams, not my overall piano career, if I were to go into that career in the future).

My life is still pretty much screwed up. I thought it was going to get better months back, but sadly I was wrong. And it got even more wrong-er recently. Oh darn. What I'm feeling right now is like having a terrible hangover. It's like I've been drunk like hell and then now when I'm finally waking up, I'm suffering badly. The side effects of drinking (I don't touch beer/alcohol at all k, this is just an elaboration). So what I can do now to take my mind off things is to read even moar books, watch even moar movies, and throw my mind into studying (hopefully). Sigh ): I really hate the fact that people claim to understand what I'm going through right now/how I'm feeling/understand me as a person/judging me based on what they feel about me in that few meetings we have. Come on, what's your problem? Go live a life! Stop acting like you know me when you don't. I admit I'm terrible weird. I may not be a wonderful person but you ain't either. Meeting me twice and coming to decide I'm not good? Please. Go watch teletubbies and eat some grass alright? When I've said I'm going through a really really bad time right now, I am not kidding. Try screw up your lives like mine and see how it feels for yourself. But I bet you can't even screw it up like the way I did. Sometimes, I'd feel so terrible that I wouldn't even be surprised if one day I decided to end this all.

And lastly, yes, I'VE AGED. On to my last teenage year, and then I'm off hopping into the world of the 20s. NOT LOOKING FORWARD. Besides, I didn't even celebrate my 19th. I literally slept through the whole day, surfing the net, watching films or video clips on youtube, went out driving with my dad (I WENT AT A SPEED OF 100KM/H HOW FUN), almost got a summons for speeding because I forgot there's a speed camera there, and ate dinner. This is just like any normal day I had. Basically, I didn't feel like celebrating. It is nothing worth celebrating about anyway. I don't like to celebrate to the fact that I'VE BECOME OLDER. I'll be turning 20 in less than a year's time NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! But this is life. We can't change it. No one ever ever escape the clutches of getting old and eventually dying, unless you're some freak vampire (I'm referring to Twilight - Harry Potter is so much more awesome-r). I have no idea what I am talking about. I think I have ADHD.

I'm already missing my 8 month long holidays.