Transition.

Post #251.

Goodbye, 2011.

The last day of 2011. 2011 has been a year of ups and downs for me. Many events happened in this year. Some good, some bad. Mostly bad, I feel. But nonetheless, 2011 is over. I should really stop living in the past and move my ass and work for my future.

January 2011 - March 2011

Worked in HSBC as a bank clerk. Mostly receiving returned mails from all over the country (and world). Called these people up and asked for their current addresses. Got scolded quite a bit (yes, even vulgarities). Howdy dudes, it's not my fault that your new addresses were not updated into the system. Scolding me won't solve the problem. I can't do much. I'm merely a small temp bank clerk. So take a chill pill and relax. I also got into my first ever office politics. You can say I started it, indirectly. Or I'm merely being used as a pawn just to start the office politics. Horrible, these things. I've seen my officers shooting emails at the other party and them shooting back emails. Technology has granted us the ability to start an office war using emails, and not directly face-to-face. And it's kind of horrifying to know that they are still able to smile at each other (or rather to me) after the event. But still, I learnt things. Calling hotlines and service centres are no longer a problem to me. I can just call in and (complain). It's a skill that I've acquired. And to my dear officers, I really have to thank them a lot. They taught me about the life in the office, as well as the advices on results and university choice. I can say I've learnt a lot there. And my colleagues! My dear colleagues there are so sweet. They gave me a dog plushie and a well made farewell card on my last day (I left my job earlier because I wanted to plan what I wanted to do instead of being stuck in work after the results are out). Thanks, I really appreciate it.

March 2011

Results! I did VERY badly. VERY VERY badly. It's as screwed up as can be. Choices are limited. My major down period. While I was clearing my school stuff a couple of days earlier, I've realised that I've not been studying enough for the exams. Some of my school exam papers are not done, and my assessment books. I barely touched them. Shame on me for this. I can say that I wholly deserved the results I guess. Looking back, I realised I have been spending too much time on the computer. And even for school I have been studying on and off, not much effort put in I guess. If I were given a chance to do it again, I will do it well. It's sucks to see your fellow classmates and friends all entering the universities with ease and you are there, hanging in the mid-air, clueless of what to do. And for another thing is that I do not wish to repeat my A-levels, so there's only one choice I can make. SIM, it is. And up till now, I am still not working hard. Just because the course I'm doing is 100% exam based (like the national exams), I haven't been working hard. Ought to kick myself. I hate it like this, yknow. Being a mindless/goal-less creature wandering around on earth, 得过且过. I have to change my lifestyle.

April 2011 - May 2011

Decided to learn driving before starting my new job. I'm proud to say I've finished the entire course within a month. I took 22 lessons (including an auto-transmission lesson) in total, and an additional 2 revision lessons right before my TP date. To be honest, I was a bit surprised that I actually could finish the entire course within these 22 lessons in a month (the instructors said I was considered fast in learning). I expected more lessons. There were tons of stupid things I've done while learning driving. Giving way to birds and cats, jam brake and jerk the instructors out of their seats or having a container truck nearly hitting my ass, screaming when I see birds and people on the road etc. I'm thankful for the nice instructors I got throughout my course (except for a very "delightful" instructor). And I got my license in just one try! With only 8 demerit points! I am proud of myself (for saving money because a single TP costs $160). Driving is fun overall (while I was still learning), but not really to me now. I'm quite tired of being a chauffeur actually. And I tend to curse A LOT MORE while driving because of the other drivers on the road. They don't let you cut in their lanes, honk at you for no reasons and all etc. Hello sirs, I have a triangle plate hanging on the car, you see. You were once a triangle plate-r too. Be nice! Pumping up the petrol still scares the hell out of me. This I have no idea why. Lack of experience I guess. Sigh, still lots to learn.

May 2011 - June 2011

Worked at RBS. I liked the job a lot. Probably because of the excellent welfare the bank gave to it's employees. And my fellow awesome colleagues! Free food every other day. Unlimited flow of drinks. Light workload. I spent most of my I really gained weight while working there. I'm glad that I've been a help to them while they were experiencing a shortage of manpower. Learnt a lot while I was there. It has been my best job thus far. I need to return to the office to visit them some time soon. However, I left them at the end of June. Due to my upcoming piano exam in August and I haven't mastered all the pieces even in May. I had no choice but to tender my resignation and leave. Felt extremely guilty about it but there was little I can do because of the depleted energy I had left after work. Now I understand why my parents fall asleep so easily, and anywhere. Working takes a huge turmoil on your body, especially when age is catching up with you. Why, I used to be able to withstand only 3h of sleep per day for an entire week! Now? I'm lucky if I don't feel drained with just a 5-6h of sleep. Even 8h of sleep doesn't really satisfy me now. Sigh, age is really catching up with me.

July 2011 - August 2011

Birthday month in July. Wasn't looking forward to it. Because it meant to be my last teenage year before I step into my 20s. Didn't celebrate much, just staying at home at ordering fast food back to enjoy with my family. Actually, I prefer cakes. But since my entire family dislike cakes, what to do? Bobian right. Eat fast food lor. And I nearly got a summons ticket on my birthday. Due to me forgetting about the speed camera and went speeding (almost). Luckily I slowed down in time if not there will sure be a huge hole in my pocket, as well as demerit points! I only have 12points to deduct until May so I'd better be careful about it. Anyway, I spent my entire month camping in front of the piano practicing practicing practicing. Needed to polish up my exam pieces and scales. 3 pieces, 17 pages. Scarlatti, Mozart and Mompou. An entire book on scales - Similar motions an octave apart in major, minor and melodic, third-apart and six-apart, in thirds, chromatic motion in thirds and in third-apart, appegios, dominant seventh and finally diminished seventh. And sight reading skills needed to be improved. Aural tests are critical too. For the exam, I got a lady examiner. My first reaction was "DIE. FAIL LIAO." Lady examiners tend to be much more stricter than male examiners. Screwed my Mozart badly, faulted for all my appegios and part of my other scales, did okay-ly for my sight reading I guess and anyhow whacked through my Aural. I'm tone-deaf, mind-ya. The day before the exam I was mass practicing the entire day. Until around 9-10pm that night. Because my mum wasn't in the country, I still had to do the dishes, wash the clothes, study for aural tests and go to the airport to pick up my mum in the middle of the night. And my stupid brother didn't even bothered to help me. And ended up I pressured myself so much that I began crying while practicing. Thinking of it now it's kind of stupid. I have no idea why but it's stupid. Sidetracked. Anyway, I managed to pass the exam. Phew. 117, a high pass. Not yet a merit but it's good enough, considering I only started working on all my pieces at the beginning of the year. Might take up diploma some time later, if I wanted to start teaching piano. It won't happen in anytime soon, but who knows?

August 2011 - December 2011

Started school. 3h lectures every other day. NOT FUN. 3h lectures are especially draining and torturous. I admit that I have an extremely short attention span. It's hard to stay focused for the entire 3h, and some even 6h or 9h, depending on the amount of lectures/makeup lectures I have for the day. Things are difficult to understand, plus there are no tutorials. Independent studying the entire time. As for now, all my lectures are ending soon (or soon enough), when I haven't even started revising, and oh god, it's already 2012, where the exams are coming in May and I have A LOT of things to study and revise and to clarify. Sigh. Studying is a bitch, really. Another thing to rant about, the school system sucks. Registering for the school is one thing, paying the enrollment fees is another. It's highly complicated and annoying. And I expect the upcoming examination fees to be paid is another matter of high annoyance (I do get annoyed very easily, when things are complicated and messy). The amount of attachment I feel for the school currently (in a scale of 1-10): 2? Might be lower. Can't explain. Nonetheless, I still hope to do well for my degree. Who doesn't?

December 2011

SNSD CONCERT! On the 9th December 2011. I swear I will remember this day for my life. The concert was totally AMAZING. The 9 girls were A LOT A LOT prettier in real life than on tv/videos. And my favourite SNSD member, KIM HYOYEON, absolutely gorgeous. It's sad people tend to neglect her a lot. She's really full of charms and really really gorgeous (there, I have to repeat myself - loss of words). Her dance, her smile is all full of power! Not saying the others are not, but she's my favourite. I'm biased towards her. But all in all the concert was a blast. I'm not going through the details of the concert because I'm lazy to do so. And I can say my life is complete. For their next concert, I'M SO GOING.

With 2011 already over, it's time to step on my new journey into 2012. It's time for new year resolutions!

1. No more vulgarities for me. It's time.

2. Drink at least 8 glasses of water everyday and less on unhealthy food.

3. Keep my study table and room neat and in order ALWAYS.

4. STUDY HARD.

5. Self-discipline.

6. Read more books and less on the games.

7. Stop being quick tempered and have more patience.

8. Exercise regularly.

9. Be a better daughter to my parents and a better person in general.

10. Manage my time wisely and adjust my body clock.

2011. I've had met people who changed me, and I've had lost people which hurt me deeply. People come into your life, make an impact and then they stopped contacting with no reasons at all, or things ending not as smoothly for people. On another note, I don't like things ending badly when it comes to relationships with people. For instance, the incident at the supermarket a couple of weeks ago is plain awkwardness. I'm a socially awkward person already, and this even makes me feel more awkward, even though I wasn't the one involved in the fighting. But being caught in between is not such a good thing either. I'm a peace-lover, really.

2012, may it be a great year for me, and for years ahead.

Adios.

post #250.

Hi, it has been a while.

http://www.irefused.tumblr.com/

A tumblr account! Like FINALLY. It has been ages since I have been considering of creating one. Because I don't update blogs and statuses often (look at this! Isn't this enough to proof? - the computer is my tool for mainly games and films), it is yet another retarded thing to do, by creating tumblr if I don't even use it often. But I'll try! Reblogging nonsense and rubbish as often as I can, so I can add in a little laughter in my miserable life (because everything is going wrong). It's not like my tumblr account will have damn many followers, but I DON'T CARE! I still think it's pretty awesome! And most importantly, IT'S MY TUMBLR ACCOUNT AND I AM PROUD OF IT.

School's started! On the 22nd Aug. My first lecture was Principles of Accounting (POA). Almost went bonkers in the lecture (by the way, it lasted 3h and I was starving). POA is sort of uh, complex. Maybe it's because I didn't come into contact with it in anyway before that, so I was quite blur during the whole lecture, only laughing at the jokes the lecturer cracked (I think he's quite funny). But up till now I haven't even revised on what he taught! And I was still there promising myself in his lecture that I'll go home and read through whatever he said. PHAIL. I deserve a good kick. However, my timetable for the year is pretty, uh, SLACK? There's only school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! I didn't manage to arrange my timetable this time because I missed the submission period D:< But I'm lucky enough to get a (quite?) free timetable I guess! Gotta be happy and contented about it! I hope I can adapt to school quickly (because right now I'm not liking it - I'm still in the holiday mood). I NEED TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL (I sincerely hope so).

I've started teaching tuition! Right now my kid is a P3 girl. She is, uh, delightful. I hope she adpats to my teaching ASAP, because her EOY exams are just right round the corner and she's terribly weak in math, sad to say. My first lesson with her didn't go as smoothly as I planned - mainly because she isn't cooperating with me. I knew she was a problematic kid (judging from the words and phrases the tuition agency consultant used). I hope I can help her to do well in math! It's funny to see how much I used to hate Math. I was like, URGH MATH, when I was in S3 but JASON AND MRS LEUAR CHANGED ME. They are my favourite math teachers. FAVOURITE-ST math teachers <3

Took my g8 piano exam a couple of weeks ago. Didn't went well, despite me practicing my ass off for weeks. I even quit my job for the exam. SIGH. The day before the exam I was still practicing like mad even though it was getting late (I only stopped practicing 10+). I was literally practicing and crying at the same time near the end of it. I couldn't get my notes and pieces right! I couldn't do this and that! My trills are so messed up! My fingers are too stiff! Tremendous amounts of stress piling on me. Plus my mum's in TW for the whole week. I have TONS of housework to do and no one's helping me! My brother, instead of helping me, gives me more things to do. And, I still have to study for aural tests! In addition, I still have to pick up my mum from the airport later that night (OH YES I'VE GOTTEN MY LICENSE, NONG NONG AGO :D). Anyway, I was so stressed that I started crying ): This is how bad it was. And the next day, I mixed up my exam time -.- totally retarded. But luckily for me, I arrived early instead of being late. However, upon arrival, I saw my piano friends there and the first thing they said to me was "FEMALE EXAMINER LEH" and I went "OH MY HOLY GOD I'M FUCKED I'M GOING TO FAIL". Because apparently, female examiners tend to be more strict than male examiners. And I went in, screwed my scales (mainly the appegios and some of the scales), SCREWED MY 3 PIECES BADLY (ESPECIALLY MY MOZART), did my sight reading okay-ly (I hope), and anyhow whacked through the aural test. The lady examiner is a very very nice person (I HOPE SHE'S NICE TO MY MARKS TOO). She was playing this extract for me so I could comment. So I was like "blah blah blah, it is most probably in the romantic period, and a likely composer would be Chopin. And DEBUSSY." She stared at me and I stared at her. And I realised what I've just said and I went "NO NO NO! NOT DEBUSSY NOT DEBUSSY!" Totally retarded. I want to shoot myself. But nonetheless it's over. I just hope (hoping damn hard) that I can pass this exam (though I highly doubt so, judging the way I performed during the exam, but I still hope I can pass). 12 years learning the piano - I want it to end nicely (as in the grading exams, not my overall piano career, if I were to go into that career in the future).

My life is still pretty much screwed up. I thought it was going to get better months back, but sadly I was wrong. And it got even more wrong-er recently. Oh darn. What I'm feeling right now is like having a terrible hangover. It's like I've been drunk like hell and then now when I'm finally waking up, I'm suffering badly. The side effects of drinking (I don't touch beer/alcohol at all k, this is just an elaboration). So what I can do now to take my mind off things is to read even moar books, watch even moar movies, and throw my mind into studying (hopefully). Sigh ): I really hate the fact that people claim to understand what I'm going through right now/how I'm feeling/understand me as a person/judging me based on what they feel about me in that few meetings we have. Come on, what's your problem? Go live a life! Stop acting like you know me when you don't. I admit I'm terrible weird. I may not be a wonderful person but you ain't either. Meeting me twice and coming to decide I'm not good? Please. Go watch teletubbies and eat some grass alright? When I've said I'm going through a really really bad time right now, I am not kidding. Try screw up your lives like mine and see how it feels for yourself. But I bet you can't even screw it up like the way I did. Sometimes, I'd feel so terrible that I wouldn't even be surprised if one day I decided to end this all.

And lastly, yes, I'VE AGED. On to my last teenage year, and then I'm off hopping into the world of the 20s. NOT LOOKING FORWARD. Besides, I didn't even celebrate my 19th. I literally slept through the whole day, surfing the net, watching films or video clips on youtube, went out driving with my dad (I WENT AT A SPEED OF 100KM/H HOW FUN), almost got a summons for speeding because I forgot there's a speed camera there, and ate dinner. This is just like any normal day I had. Basically, I didn't feel like celebrating. It is nothing worth celebrating about anyway. I don't like to celebrate to the fact that I'VE BECOME OLDER. I'll be turning 20 in less than a year's time NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! But this is life. We can't change it. No one ever ever escape the clutches of getting old and eventually dying, unless you're some freak vampire (I'm referring to Twilight - Harry Potter is so much more awesome-r). I have no idea what I am talking about. I think I have ADHD.

I'm already missing my 8 month long holidays.

Post #249.

I really need to unwind in my time machine.

It seems like everyone has got their university offers, except for me. I feel so rotten and stupid and retarded and left out in the society. Unwanted kid here, waitin for my turn to die or something. I've checked the online status, and they're all like "Application Received". Hello? It is 3 weeks to June already. Aren't you going to process my application? At least a letter of rejection would be good too, you know? At least I know my application has been processed, and not some chapalang anyhow hang down there rotting and waiting to die. Sigh, and I only can blame myself for the uh, screwed up badly Alvls results. I deserve a good kick in the head, and a throw to the wall, or a fall down a building. Ah, suicide, correct. And, SIM, get back to me soon all right? Don't let my heart do some silly stunts (like parachuting, gymnastics etc) and deprive it from transporting oxygenated blood around my body normally.

I've finished my driving course! Like in a month, which consists of going down to BBDC every day, literally, and sometimes twice a day. BBDC has become my favourite hangout for the whole month. Being jobless at that period of time, my only favourite hobby is driving. Driving up and down, left and right of the bukit batok area is so crazy, but I still can't recognise the roads and all. Damn I have no sense of directions. I will have to get an iNavigator. Wait till I get my license and I will drive around Singapore (and lose my way in some weird places)! And next friday is the TP! I'm praying hard that I will be able to make it! Pass on first try! (Because the test is really expensive - $160's no kidding sum)

Started work again. And on the way to report to work on the first day, I am like "why am I doing this to myself? Why am I finding trouble for myself? Why am I working?" It IS horrible. Imagine, during the time when I wasn't working, I would have had at least 1o hours of sleep each day. And now, it is less than 6. Reports have said that if a person has less than 8 hours of sleep each day, they will die earlier. And I am going to die so much earlier. It has been years since I had at least 8 hours of sleep each day, from a few years back already. *Y U NO SLEEP EARLY* sigh. I'm adjusting my body clock, I'm adjusting it (and I've said it like for the past year[s]). Fail much. But anyhow, the company's pretty awesome so far! I like my new staff pass. Its so pretty and cool. I even have my name printed on it, even though I am only a temp staff. And why, the tag is detachable! But most importantly, the pantry food is UNLIMITED. Tap your staff pass for unlimited drinks and biscuits! As quoted, "IT'S FOR FREE!" And then I'll stab myself to death for the weight gained.

June, oh June! Please hurry up and come quickly! For thou shalt not deprive me of living expenses. Yes, adult fare has been a bitch. I really miss my double-beeps of the ezlink, instead of the single shrilled-beeps. Annoying as hell, and they're bloodsuckers. Robbing us of our money earned from my blood (paper cuts) and sweat, and the hell of squeezing to death on the train daily. Horrible trip of two bus stops - from my house to the bus station - it costs 71 cents. If I still had student fare, it would only cost like what, less than 50 cents? The horror of the adult world. The horror of the economy. The horror the horror! Please beseech mercy upon us!

RUNNING MAN! My new favourite variety show from Korea. It's really hilarious! Particulary the Monday couple - Gary and Song Ji Hyo. I will always LOL when I see them and Gary making absurd comments and declaring his love for Ji Hyo (and sometimes I really think that he meant it from the bottom of his heart). Gary is the king when it comes to the photo games. Like, he has his own gallery and he is inside EVERY picture in a state of calmness and all. Saluting him. They should include the photo games back ): And of course, my all time favourite, KIM JONG KOOK (SPARTA/COMMANDER). I've heard his 'Lovely' before, and I've always thought that it was sung by a small and skinny guy. Instead, when I saw the music video, I was like "OMG THIS GUY IS DARN FIT AND THIS SONG IS TOO CUTE FOR HIM". But after watching Running Man, Kim Jong Kook is really really awesome and cute haha. Now I officially like tall and huge people with single eyelid and long-but-not-so-long hair, and who can act cute like how Kim Jong Kook does so naturally. Hawhawhaw.

Haven't been running lately ): This sucks. My dear brother injured his leg. Everyone else is so busy. I am not exaggerating but I seriously cannot jog on my own. This is because I WILL LOSE MY WAY IN THE PARK, and be left there to rot and die. Like c'mon, everywhere looks the same in the park. And Chinese Garden is not small okay, it stretches all the way to Jurong East, and according to my brother, it connects to uh, MacRitchie? If that's the case, I will never be able to find my way out. Chinese garden is pretty yes, but its not when you're lost and alone, and in the fear of having zombies to rush out at you, along with the possibility of the special infected (witches, tanks, smokers, hunters, jockeys, boomers) attacking you, and the thing is you're low on ammo. OKAY I'VE BEEN THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT L4D AGAIN. But then again, special land has special infected unique to the land. Who knows, mudmen may pop out of the lake!

And one thing I am not happy about. The lies! The deception! Urgh, strong urge to give you a good kick. Like seriously, if you think its nothing much, think again. I am fighting back my desire to strangle you. Annoying pangsaiman. I will bite you D:<

When TGIF (thank god it's Friday) is over, get ready for OSIM (oh shit it's Monday).

post #248.

TIME MACHINE - THE CLICK FIVE


Oh what mess you've got the best of my heart
It broke and now it's just a joke
Cause you're moving right along
I'm still here and you're gone
Oh what shame
You know I didnt mean for the winds to change
Won't ever be the same
Cause the kisses that you blew
Could never ever move

I think I need some time by myself
Without anybody else
I just need to unwind
In my time machine
I need to go far away
A few years back would be ok
I just need to unwind
In my time machine

Hey you
Ya i'm talking to you
You lost the love in bed
And now it's just dead
Cause it didn't mean a thing
Waiting for a ring
Hey it's a game
And ain't it a shame that it's just a show
I thought that this was love
But I can't be fooled again
I'm cryin' out
But I can't give in

I think you need some time by yourself
Without anybody else
You just need to unwind
In your time machine
You need to go far away
A few years back would be ok
You just need to unwind
In your time machine

All the things that we could change
(things that we could change)
Now we'll never be the same

I think I need some time by myself
Without anybody else
I just need to unwind
In my time machine
I need to go far away
A few years back would be ok
I just need to unwind
In my time machine

By Myself
I don't need anybody else
I just need to unwind
In my time machine
In my time machine

post #247.

sigh.

summary: my alvls is a complete screw up. and i am contemplating about the choices i have left with what's given my oh-so-pathetic grades. and to those people who keep asking what my grades are, SHUT THE FUCK UP. like seriously, normally im not close to you at all. and frankly speaking, we are just merely ACQUAINTANCES. why the hell should you bother about my grades? will knowing my grades do you any good? if i dont reply or say i dont want to talk about it, stop asking! who are you to me and why on earth should i tell you. i cant imagine you people to be so thick about such things. you ask, i dont reply, dont ask again! is that so difficult?

and i do really feel quite upset. life is quite unfair at times.

jogging is my latest hobby, i think. with all the weight im gaining over the past few months, i'd be crazy if i were to not try to lose them. thanks to all the buffets/delicious meals/festive goodies/snacks/etc, my appetite has grown. i can now stuff in what i thought was too much (rougly around a year ago?). food is always my best friend. eat first, lose weight later. thank god that i have a a-little-bit-more-than-average metabolism rate. so im considered still-not-very-fat-but-fat now. im sure my precious little spare tyre will be able to keep me afloat if i were to drop into a pond/pool/sea/whatever since i've almost forgotten how to swim. i will not try to cut down on the amount of food i eat. those people who go on extreme diets are crazy. why torture yourselves? no food, no life! you wont get the energy to exercise if you dont eat anyway. EAT! just exercise to shed off the weight you gained. but please, eat.

left work now, am currently not-so-enjoying-life. many things to plan and settle. and this pushes me more to adulthood. i can feel my teenage years trailing behind me slowly, until it is no more in sight, and thats when adulthood comes full blast at me. on this note, to all the people who comment on the childishness and whatever, GET A LIFE. seriously. this is not even called childish. its called having fun and reminiscence of your childhood years. why restrict yourselves on moments that you can enjoy? this is not called being mature, its called acting-mature-but-phail. the real matureness doesnt occur in everyday life. it only happens to people on certain issues and how it all depends on how they handle it. and thats when they can be truly considered MATURE, instead of small daily stuffs. learn to have fun, yo.

and i've said this at least ten times. i really hate it when people decided not to reply texts. how long would you take to reply ONE text? is it that difficult? it takes less than a minute. it wont kill you. and seriously i've never been so pissed like what i was this morning/afternoon/evening/till now. i've started swearing and cursing almost everything because of that matter. WILL YOU DIE TO REPLY ONE TEXT IN ADVANCE? cut all the excuses crap i have no wish to hear. you should stop whining and its all rubbish, most probably. and probably i shouldnt be polite and nice enough to reply those people who dont reply all the time. ought to make these people feel what its like. FUCK YOU. (damn, im really angry) and you. i dont know why, there are people wayyyyy worse than you and youre whining to them. can you spare a thought?
i really feel like jogging now. should let the cool night breeze clear my head of thoughts and all. but not in the best condition to jog right now. sigh.

post #246.

the bus that i used to take home everyday after school.

results will be out in 1 week's time. totally cant wait for it to end and make my plans for the future, but i really dont want to know what will be my grades. ah, the irony. pathetic, most probably. oh damn. my heart begins to race everytime i think of results, and my mood will be down instantly. its just like gravity pulling your lips down. i can be seen pouting oh-so-often. mind me not, it's just me brooding over my results. and one of the most frequent noise i'd made these past few weeks would probably be SIGH. yea, sigh. results. sigh. i'm actually quite sick of people telling me not to worry about it. i know i can't do anything about my results anymore. the outcome is fixed once i've put down my pen after the last second of the papers. it's just that because i'm the one doing the papers, i know exactly how screwed it is. i know these people mean well, but i still can't stop worrying. sigh. and another thing, i hate people telling me how screwed their results will be, when theirs are not. they hadn't seen mine. so just shut the fuck up and stop agitating me further. I MIGHT BITE YOU D:<>

ah, work has been a bore. at first i was overwhelmed by the amount of work i had to clear. apparently im hired to clear off two people's work (or so i thought previously). right now, im so free that i'm helping others to clear off their work as well! and so i did and returned back to the respective owners before the end of the day. ah, good and efficient worker, me. rbsiswearitsyourownlossfornotevenwantingtointerviewmeD:< but alas! i'd be leaving soon. the coming thursday. in preparation of my results. of course i'd leave the company for quite some reasons, but the main is still the results. i really dont like the feeling of if i got some weird combo for my results (TOUCHING WOOD), like not three not four, and dont know what to do, and i have still have to go work. oh, i forgot to mention, by office is full of alvl temps from good jcs. and they'd be comparing, which is another point that i hate. and bosses will ask. i dont want to hide in the office toilet sobbing my eyes swollen and my time away. i'll plan again, after getting results. deepest apologies to sally and joanna. by right i should be leaving when the contract ends. however, i chose to terminate it one month earlier. and frankly speaking, if not for sally and joanna, i'd left the company ages ago. ah, i'm going to miss the place! (although the pay's quite bad. damn you recruiting agency) but still, i have other priorities too. 天下无不散之筵席, sooner or later i'd have to leave. i'm just leaving a month earlier that's all.

i've watched BLACK SWAN the other day! it was pretty fascinating. the way natalie portman acted, and the plot, i was totally amazed and engaged in the film! normally while watching movies i'd be pigging out on the popcorn or whatsoever. but for the film i stopped munching so as to not miss a scene! excellent! i'd love to watch the movie again, but it's hard to find someone to watch movies nowadays. everyone has their own plans. and more importantly, no one's sick enough to watch the kind of movies i like to watch. gore/blood/horror. but hey, i do love animated films too! romedies are fine. at least they're funny. but romance, urgh count me out. i might fall asleep or make a lot of noises. its because they're so freaking boring. BORING i shall say. i don't really like local films too (oops, pardon me). its just because they're boring and dull, local actors cant act, and most importantly, no creativity! that's why i'd rather watch 爱 rather than any other local dramas.

L4D! is my latest craze. yes, i've played it before. but only for a short while. a few loose zombies. some witches. which i'd aimed perfectly at their heads so they did not get a chance to whack me with their oh-so-long-and-disgusting-claws/nails. but now, oh god. i played full scale. and i was screaming and shouting on my first full scale game. aiming and killing a zombie from far, i scream. zombie rush, i scream even louder. special infected, i AHHHHHHHHHH DIE DIE DIE and shoot everywhere, but them. i tend to step into the spitter's acid. i burst a boomer close up and get their bile all over me, attracting a zombie crowd. i get pinned by charger/hunter/jockey/smoker. i get incapacitated by the witch with just one blow. i get thrown down the building by the tank (rooftop finale). i have super super bad aiming. awesome. BUT I SWEAR IM GETTING BETTER AT IT NOW! at least i dont scream now. i just go, whack, shoot. and i'm starting to fall in love with melee attacks! yay. i love double pistols. i love the commando rifle and m16. and my aiming improved! the only thing bothering me now is that i take a long time to get out of my safe house. and the zombie rushes to attack, where they end up all lying sprawled on the ground right outside my safe house. i have to open the door to push the pile away, and close the door again to wait for the next zombie rush haha. im such a cheater :D but hey, at least i dont use cheat codes. AND I CAN LAST THROUGH A FINALE AND SURVIVE. l4d ftw, till i get sick of you.

and for those who dont reply to text/emails/msn/whatevercommunicationshitoutthere, go get yourselves killed. seriously.

ah, late hours. work tmr. oh btw, what happened to my grammar D:<

post #245.

freedom.

Alevels is over! happy, and yet sad. i dont know why, but ever since As ended, some part is missing. like thrs no more stuff to look forward to, although i was like "OH DAMN I CANT WAIT FOR ALVLS TO END SO I CAN ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY". but seriously the boredom is killing me. and i actually can get headaches because of being bored. excellent. the to-do-list i had came up with before Alevels was totally useless. didnt feel like doing even ONE bit. so, i shall stone and rot.

i shant be blabbering about Alevels because its a complete screw up. and yes my life is screwed thank you very much. the only thing i can do now is to hope for the best and pray that it wont be so bad that i have to kill myself and die or smth. but thats unlikely, considering the amount of things i screwed up yeah.

and anyway, prom's tmr. am totally NOT looking forward to it. i totally can imagine how i will end up being laughed at tmr when i show up in the dorky dress i bought. yes, DRESS. imma showing off my fats yeah! i guess i'll just blend in to the background tmr and die or smth. and most importantly, eat back the $ i spent for prom, which is totally a waste. and its at orchard hotel? heard the places isnt nice. blasted. then how am i going to eat back my $ then? then i guess i'll have to end up eating air for the next month or smth, or at least until i get a job. and another thing. i totally cant walk in heels. no, i cant even stand on them either. i really have no idea how people can stand/walk/run in them. if i were to do that stunt, maybe i'll just fall over and die or smth. crazyyy.

and i have had registered at BBDC! yeahhhhh imma drive! :D im gna be a potential road hazard muahahahaha. attended 2 theory lessons so far. was quite interesting but, boring somehow. imagine you having to sit thr for 100 minutes listening to the instructor blab blab blab blab blab. but lucky there were videos to watch so it wasnt too bad. the instructor kept looking at me while i was yawning away. im lucky they didnt run their car over me. but anyway, im really looking forward to my first driving lesson! yeah yeah yeah drive drive drive! (Y)

am actively looking for jobs lately. lol turned down the offer by my ex-employer. i felt so bad. she must be hating me alr ): life sucks. im like trying to find admin jobs. assistant accountant needs at least an accountant diploma or have experience in it, which I DONT HAVE. crap. this sucks man. and those i've applied. CMON GET BACK TO ME GIVE ME A CALLLLLLLL. i needa $ to finance my spendings and to pay for my driving lessons! be nice and get back to me okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

and seriously, some people ought to be killed. being tied down the mrt track and letting the train run over and reverse back a thousand times. like cmon la, is it so difficult to reply a text? will you die or smth? what the fuck is wrong with you people seriously. and maybe i shouldnt have wasted my unlimited smses on you people in the first place. i shouldnt bother even replying any text you people send me at all. wahlau waste of my energy and my unlimited smses. annoying shiats. go bang into the wall, go. whut an ass. and you people need to think youre damn great also, because you are not. at all. dont be an ass. get a life damn it.

oh well, i guess im really getting too bored or smth. i shall occupy myself with other stuffs then. goodbye.